November 30, 2001

vampire weaning in progress

My friend Dan Klemz was nice enough to give me some webspace over at It looks like Cromlech will finally be weaned off of its UMD hosted teat. For now, please update your linky-poos to the following address:

As soon as I find time I’ll figure out how to automatically forward you to the new link. Oooh, I hope ya’ll’re as excited as I am!

As I’m looking at this, I may have to revamp the way Archived Blithers are arranged. I’m writing more Blithers and less other stuff this year, and putting an entire month on one page is making for a godlessly large page. Ahh, but tis an activity for when my academic pile of crap has been shoveled out of the stables. A true Herculanian effort. I will be a half-god when I am done, and will summon lightning and low-fat snack goods at the furrowing of my brow.

So, they’ve been putting up flyers around campus with the “All School Photograph,” which consists of a meager hundred students or so. If you look at it closely, the people are standing on some impossibly green grass… and they aren’t casting any shadows. How is this possible? Why would they represent UMD’s 9,000+ student body as a mere one hundred people that, if one is to believe ancient folklore, don’t have souls?

Unless it’s a typo. A very important word has been omitted, for this is obviously the “All School Vampire Photograph.” Each smiling face is the visage of the damned, a creature of the night that want nothing but to sink its teeth into your flesh and shoot big friggin’ guns and score huge at the box office, if one is to believe the movie Blade.

Funny, for I seem to have a lot of friends in this photo.

But then you ask, how can they be outside in daylight? Isn’t the main weakness of the vampire race that the sun turns them into smoldering piles of refuse? Your skepticism is admirable, but consider this: Dracula never had at his disposal the conveniences of modern society. With luxuries such as happy-baby sunscreen with SPF one-billion protection, online ordering and internet-ready coffins, any credit card wielding vampire can have a crate of sunblocking ooze mailed right to his door

Beware, for UMD is not safe from the undead, so long at they are posing for pictures. Ph33r th3 3v1l l33t.