Rubin Sez...
1999 - 2000
"Row, row, row your coffin."
"Aargg…Raargg…"
"…the elusive alto clef…"
"How many of you got that chord right?
…how many at least got that it was a IV?
…how many at least saw it had a tritone?
…how many of you think you would have gotten it right if you DID it?!"
"People don't go to a concert with eggs unless they're sure that they are going to use them."
"Everybody get their datebooks out, because I have a date with you. On Valentine's Day, I will blow a kiss to you in the form of an exam."
"…a little bit less from Bill."
"IT'S GONNA BE A HALF NOTE TIED TO A QUARTER NOTE! IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL!"
"Extra nothings."
"Let's hear the ladies first…
…that was crappy…"
"April pitch classes bring May tone-rows."
"It should be a fun test."
"Use an arsenal of ear-training techniques."
"Is it a pungent dissonance?"
"You could use a mute, put a bag over the person or put them in another room, but that horn's always going to be loud in that register."
"...it could be a stinky balloon..."
"You gotta cut everybody else down if you wanna get anywhere in life."
"Let's look at number eight, for the sake of going backwards."
"Oh! You wrote a note! You get an A!
Hmm. I don't like that dot there. D."
"For you Bill, you need a challenge. You will sing number two while I play atonal chord clusters. If you screw up, you fail."
"No sexual comments in this class."
"The bastardization of a note... it comes from England."
"Yeah, I'll give you a gold star, but I'm not tellin' ya where."
2000 - 2001
"Think of it as marching soldiers of quarter notes.... bonk bonk bonk bonk bonk..."
"Who called me Jubin?"
"Tri…tone. Tri…tone. Tri…tone."
"The accreditors will be here on Monday and Tuesday. If you've got a shirt that says 'I'm with stupid' or something like that, those would not be the days to wear it."
"So, take some of these flyers for the New Music Festival. Oh that's right, you're from Superior! You could post them along Tower Avenue and all the drunks would be walking by going 'Ugg... Hey! New Music Festival! Yeah!' We could stand on the bridge with flyers and all the carousing guys would stop their cars and back up. 'Hey, look at that!'"
"You guys ever been to Godfather's Pizza? It's terrible!"
I used to work there!
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Geez it's awful! I mean, they've got things like meatloaf pizza!"
"You should see my driver's license. I look like a terrorist… like Osama bin Laden. The computer also screwed up and split my face down the middle. It looks like I'm missing teeth."
"I've got my Finale 2000 registration card, so if I get pulled over I'll just flash that. 'Oh, you use Finale,' the cop will say. 'Forget the ticket, how do you do layers?'"
"When Reger died he had an unpaid sausage bill that bankrupted his family. He wrote all of his works at a bar, and records show that for fifteen years he ate nothing but sausage and drank nothing but beer."
"There will be no relationships beyond something of something."
Rubin, do you have anymore beer and sausage stories?
"No, I don't have anymore… yet. Maybe I'll do an internet search for 'beer sausage organ'. Actually, I'm not sure what kind of stuff I would find with a search like that."
"Today I have an incentive program, which is candy."
Can we have heroin tomorrow?
"Hmm… heroin… yes. Bring your own needle. You guys are crazy."
"Avoid the Starburst, maybe. You can have another piece of candy that is not Starburst related. I got the candy from the closet. I'm not exactly sure when it's from."
"There will be a bag going around, full of marbles. Please take a marble."
Are these marbles for class or anything?
"No, they're just to have. Again, I was cleaning out the closet. If there are any marbles left, please take more. I don't want any back."
"Yes, it does look like he's peeing."
"The next few bars look kind of crunchy."
"Oops, I made a mistake. Shame on me. I should get more sleep."
"Ecologists would love a fugue because it's all about conservation."
"There was a piece once where I did need to use my nose. It was by Morton Feldman. One hand on each side of the piano and splat! one note right in the middle."
"You will be getting a nice award."
More stuff from your closet?
"Yes, like leather masks and stuff."
"Is this vest for a girl? It's kind of tight. It makes me feel like Mr. Rodgers. Now I must change out of my sneakers into other sneakers."
I wasn't late, my backpack preceded me by fifteen minutes!
"An interesting comment."
"Taco Bell. If Mir follows through, how are they going to give everyone in America their free taco? Go door to door, saying 'Here's your taco'?"
<slams on keyboard>
"It's a G 37 chord...
…no wait, it's a G o37 chord… the root wasn't there."
"It was interesting, what you wrote."
"…leaning, smoking a cigarette… Yeah man, play me some Reger Fugue in G... Oh yeah, that's the stuff..."
"For the last couple weeks we have been studying the works of Max Reger. I hope you all realize this."
"Eminating out of the ass."
"This class is crazy! Crazy! He's Crazy Cass! Watch out, he's Crazy Cass!"
"Beth, don't trace your fingers on the table!"
"What does the word Eroica look like? No, not erotic. Yes, heroic. Though there was an artist that did an Erotic Symphony. It was for nine electric guitars."
Dr. Rubin, it smells in here!
"Does it smell in here? It must be me, cuz I don't smell anything."
"Lamont Young actually wrote a piece for dragging chairs. Not a very beautiful piece, but it was alright."
- Rubin, while dragging piano bench and table around room
"Ha! Rennaissance porn! That's funny."
"You can't have a chromatic passage on the harp or the performer's feet would fall off. This is what the harpest will play for this passage. They will play the A string, the C string, the E string and the G string… the G string. Ha."
"This class is crazy! Crazy class!"
- reiterated
"Wow, a Crazy Eddie shirt. He was from Brooklyn, and had a chain of thirty or so stores on the east coast. His prices were indeed insane, and went out of business because Crazy Eddie was doing Tax Evasion! Most of the stuff was stolen, too. He went to prison. I used to shop there all the time."
"Spring break is actually three weeks long; the week before, the week of and the week after. Summer vacation works the same way, only in months. Throw in winter break, it's like we've got an additional seven months of vacation. Overall, I think we've only got three days of actual classes."
"Accumulate large sums of questions."
"If you don't bring both books you will be what?"
Screwed.
"Yes."
"When you are starting your analysis, what should you do first?"
Burn the book?
"I promise to yell 'yippie' when I hear the right answer."
"Nea-Ha!"