headlines for jerks

The Sunny Wicked CD Release Party took place at the Roundabout last night, and it rocked the potassium feldspar right out of my existence. I haven’t seen the guys perform since Beaner’s last year, and they’ve really improved the jive and stack. Thick variety of songs… the ephermeral jams of Face Transplant (?), the playful energy of any Rick Robot composition, and an Aladdin cover that almost had me rolling on the floor. There was only one problem: Matthew R Peterson was having way too much fun.

I’m excited. I got some chicken wings and some Carribbean Jerk marinade, and I’m gonna be grillin’ up some fine food tomorrow.

This jewel of a headline was in the News Tribune today:

Beauty like food, drugs to men, study says

What the heck is it saying? It’s like some cryptic message a talking robot would produce.

10 BEAUTY LIKE FOOD. BRRT!

20 BEAUTY LIKE FOOD.

30 START PROGRAM> DRUGS TO MEN.

40 INIT> STUDY SAYS.

50 ERROR! ERROR!

60 CAUSE OF ODOR IN TRIBUNE CAR WRITER MISCHARACTERIZE.

70 ERROR! BAG-OF-FISH LEAK. ERROR!

80 AUTO SHUTDOWN.

This is why today’s robots still have no sense of aesthetics. In writing headlines, even humans seem confused about beauty. Imagine trying to write it into code.