May 20, 2001

uploading for fscking idiots

Internet dialup is a cruel joke. I’ve been uploading my website for 28 minutes now. The whole thing is barely one meg in size. I’m using a quality USR 56K modem and supposedly connected at 45,333 bps.

31 minutes… I am trying to run IE windows in the background, just to grease the bianary wheels and make sure any data is getting transferred at all. Hmm, same results as I get without IE windows in the background. God damn, this entire process takes me less than a minute at school.

35 minutes… good. CuteFTP just gave up. Gave up. As though the strain was so great that CuteFTP leapt out of its cubicle, flipped out at its co-workers, stormed out of the office and shouted obsenities at the heavens while stumbling home, half-drunk with rage.

40 minutes… it’s a good thing CuteFTP has a happy-time smiley face folder for an icon, otherwise I’d be homicidal right now. Excellent, now it’s putting files in the wrong folders.

48 minutes… doing a manual search of the sight, trying to find files it chose to not upload. I’m sure any computer-savvy person is amused by my misfortunes, thinking “Computers are reliable. Compuer’s don’t choose or choose not to do things. Computers do exactly what you tell them to do.” No. No, no, no my friend. I am computer savvy and what I am experiencing with this crappy Internet connection defies catagorization.

59 minutes… I’m averaging a 1.4 KB/s upload time. I apologise to anyone trying to call me right now.

60 minutes…. I give up. I’m gonna head outside and see if I can catch up with CuteFTP. Please enjoy the fragmented remnants of Cromlech until I get the chance to finish the upload.

May 18, 2001

mysticism grows under a mohawk

It is done. Version 0.050. Now I can go outside and play. You too should go out and play. Don’t waste your time with this nonsense.

Thanks for staying.

The last few days have been exceedingly random. I will now honor them in their truest spirit:

I finished reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I highly recommend it. See the movie first and get Johnny Depp’s voice ground into your skull, then read. Read voraciously. Depp will narrate the vibrations in your head and it will be a very groovy experience.

We drove around the Lakes and I threatened people with an electric drill. Feeling the drill too much resembled a gun and I could get into a buttload of trouble I traded it in for an ice scraper. I would wave the ice scraper in a threatening manner, yell “ice scraper!” and scrape ice off the windows of the Rustang. This was a hilarious experience, all doped out on mono and 2000 mg of vitamin C and such. We then tormented downtown Hopkins, ridiculed teenagers with overgrown faded blue mohawks, caused a ruckus at Taits/Driskills, bought gas station sandwiches and saw Traffic. Good flick.

I watered my tent under the sprinkler hoping that it would grow more tents, but it still had leaks so all it grew was more damp.

Ever notice how real life is often stranger than fiction?

Went to Mystic Lake last night and lost a $1.25. Once. Bullied a Pontiac Aztec on the way home. Sucker.

I can’t remember what day it is.

In a closed society of criminals, the only real crime is getting caught.

May 15, 2001

mono. it’s a good thing.

Went to the clinic to see about my sore throat. It feels like someone has been rubbing it with gravel. I am no bird, I have no gizzard and hell if I need gravel in my throat. They did a throat culture. Nope, not strep.

“Ahh, here it is. You have an ear infection, and that is causing your sore throat.”

“Oh, that makes sense.” [that makes absolutely no sense]

Just to be thorough, I requested to have a test done for mono. A friend of mine had had it recently. A little blood, an eight minute wait and…

“Oh my God. You have mono! It’s a good thing we found this out too, because had we given you the medication for your ear it would have interacted with the mono and caused a red rash to develop all over your body!”

“A good thing indeed.”

May 10, 2001

speaketh now… OR DIE.

Played at the graduate student commencement today. I do not like commencements, and this performance reminded me why. I enjoy the playing; no problem with that… even though I play, sit for an hour, watch my reeds evaporate and eventually create more with my sublimation powers… and then we play again and I spend an entire piece trying to give myself an embolism. No, I do enjoy that. However, I do not enjoy the announcing of each graduate. They always announce it in the same dry way…

“Emmanuel… … … Shovlatski”

Why the hell do they hesitate so long? To build up suspense? If I spoke like that in real life I would get smacked.

The tone of absolute disinterest never wavers either. The speaker could just as well be listing off sacks of flower. The obligatory introduction speech of ‘you are all distinct individuals’ is immediately refuted.

May 4, 2001

the ascetic mantra

Back online. My computer decided to self-destruct anything related to internet connection. A few days of that and my extreme boredom resulted in me deleting stuff at random. Needless to say, internet works now. Let that be a lesson to ya. Problems bogging you down? Can’t sleep at night? Just start sporadically throwing stuff away.

May 2, 2001

intervalic nomenclature

I made an interesting observation today. When I used to while away my days watching lots of tv I lived in thirty minute intervals. Now that I no longer watch tv I live in fifteen minute intervals. I cannot say which lifestyle is better. I hate them both.