automan vs. 230 pound man

The day was headed down a dark path. I started to come down with a cold, I have got a lot of homework to do and the frivolous, decadent nature of pop style was scraping through my skull like a rusty saw.

And then Doug stumbled upon Automan, a 70s TV show about a computer geek that created a perfect virtual person that decided to come to life as an obsequious hologram. To the free world’s great benefit, Automan granted himself existence to fight crime and reiterate 70s culture.

“I look great. You made me perfect, Walter.”

“Well now, nobody is perfect, Automan.”

“Yes, I am. See, you programmed me to observe people and do everything as well as they can do. Have you ever seen John Travolta dance? Then you’ve seen me.”

Automan has many talents that include chatting with slot machines, playing video tapes in his chest and solidifying neon Lamborghinis out of thin air.

The bad guys are so unpredictably evil, too…

“We must use caution with the next phase of our plan.”

“But no one knows this part of our plan except you and I… and Ellen.”

“So you see our problem, then?”

“Yes. I will kill you right away.”

“Wait, no! That’s not what I meant.”

The Sci-Fi channel is running an Automan marathon all day.

Not only that. Jen also found an archive of the “personal ass kicking from a 230 pound man” that was up for bidding on EBay.

This is the best birthday ever!