judge parker iii

Oh, you will never guess the ploutcome (a feisty combination of plot and outcome) of today’s Judge Parker! This story is advancing at such a fast rate, and sending out so many cross-referencing tendrils that one man alone cannot possibly keep up a thorough analysis. With that in mind, I have recruited (kidnapped) the Expert to help us understand the quantum forces that go on behind the scenes at today’s Judge Parker! The Expert was supposed to be with us yesterday to discuss video encoding and detail extraction but he dodged my front bumper at the last minute. The Expert is a cunning one, but was subdued today with a few bullets to the stomach.

Please welcome our gutshot Expert!

Tempers were flaring when we last left Judge Parker. Bunny and her accusations about Sophie were raking across Spencer’s brain and draining her will, and Spencer had unintentionally let on that she knew of Bunny’s cocaine smuggling operation.

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE SAYING, says Spencer. I’VE NEVER ABUSED SOPHIE!!!!!! She avoids eye contact and stares off in the distance, perhaps at Bunny in the next frame. Spencer’s mental fits are often accompanied by clairvoyance, pulling her away from reality and into a realm of infinite possible futures..

LIAR!! says Bunny, who has grown a fine moustache since we last saw her. EVERYONE KNOWS ABOUT IT!!!!! Bunny’s cronies lounge in the background, a sour pair of after-school social deviants. These are the cruelest of parking lot bandits. They skip class to smoke clove cigarettes. They spit their gum on the ground so when people wear Birkenstocks they always step in it. They double park without leaving their emergency flashers on. One of them has dueled in her share of sword fights, and has a scar straight across her right eye. It appears the other has recently had her forehead split open. I say recently because such wounds usually make toadies pass out from blood loss in a couple hours. Being subservient to a female 80’s pirate infuses one with superhuman endurance, but super regenerating blood is only available to those who are ruled by a gang leader with fashion sense.

AND I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T DO IT AGAIN!!!! Bunny lifts her hand from the car door, ready to inflict the Vulcan Death Grip on poor Spencer. Bunny’s lust for blood is only matched by her sinister love of cruel irony. Seeing Spencer in a Star Trek uniform, Bunny realizes that killing her with a geeky arrangement of the phalanges is too great an irony to resist.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOF!!!! says Bunny as Spencer jams at her with clawed fingers of the damned.

OH MY I AM SO EXCITEDING!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED MY BULLET WOUNDS HURT LESS WHEN I LAUGH. WHAT WILL TOMORROW HOLD FOR JUDGE PARKER? WILL JUDGE PARKER DESCEND FROM THE SKY RIDING A STACK OF WAFFLES AND DISPENSE SYRUPY JUSTICE? WILL I EAT A BAGEL????????????///////////////////////////////////////////////

Our expert just collapsed.