June 23, 2002

Session One: The Bloodletting

Well.

Last week, we stocked Mandan cabin with frenzied eight-, nine-, and ten-year-olds. Chaos of a legendary degree reigned, such that my co-counselor Jeff and I renamed our cabin The Epicenter of Entropy. I cannot begin to write what a horrible, exhausting experience it was. The kids couldn’t even get their shoes on without constant prodding, they would fill each other’s mouths with bug spray, fights erupted every two minutes, we set a new record for the latest return from an overnight…

…and on Friday, certain events transpired that taxed my emotional and psychological limits to such a degree that I had a breakdown and was out of commission for the rest of the day. All week we had been scraping rock bottom, and finally the campers found a way to keep on digging.

There were good points. Many of my kids cried at closing campfire because they had such a good time at camp. I made number three in the Top 10 Coolest Counselors poll. I’ve got big, tough muscles and a store-bought tan. I ran the windsurfing achievement on Saturday. Jeff and I developed numerous inside jokes that kept us going (“I really shouldn’t be holding a knife right now.”). All the other staff were rooting for us, such that a moment of silence was held at the final meeting to recognise me and Jeff for surviving the week.

Next week will be better. It cannot get worse.

If you wish to send mail to the warfront, the address is as follows:

Dane R Petersen, Esq.

c/o YMCA Camp Ihduhapi

P.O. Box 37

Loretto, MN 55357

I will try to dignify every piece of mail with a grunt of approval.

Dane,
I cant imagine the hell you must have been put through. On a stagering unwize move for myself i took a job at a daycare. I am usually in charge of between 10 and 15 kids by myself for the last hour or so. Whats worse is every once in awhile while i my usually kind hearted boss will get in a sadastic mood and she will put me with the preschoolers. They are a bunch of scheeming, intellegent little carnivores that look for any weakness and devour without a second thought.
I only have to deal with the kids for the day than i go home to a peaceful house. I cant imagine day after day of no peace.
Dane if you survive the summer without going deeper into your mental instability i applaud you, and you will given mad props.

Mr. Chemist, your experience and understanding of my situation make it all worthwhile. Fortunately this past week was much better, as the kids only tried to start fights every hour or so, and they were old enough to be ordered around.
Kids are cruel little creatures that should be locked in cages to consume one another in a hot and bloody bath of “Poop, poop, butt, fart” jokes and bug spray fights.
I have yet to come up with an appropriate punishment for the parents produce these blessed younglings. I hate to call them parents, as that term suggests they have a paternal interest in their child. Maybe I’ll just call them squid, for lack of a better term.

Dane;
Your cage idea interests me. However, due to the bleeding heart sector of our government, punishment can only by non-physical means. I would like to see the average run of the mile senator last twenty seconds at a Y camp, or at a daycare. I do think there is a loop hole however. If we dont physically put the children in the cages, then it would not be child abuse correct? Maybe i should talk to my boss about that one. Or maybe i would like to keep my job….. Either way, stay strong and show no fear in front of the kids, they are like the boogie monster, they feed off of fear and use it against you.
On a better note, i had a run of a few good days but as a new personal low, i got kicked at twice by the same kid, the boss cant even control him. The job if nothing else helps with the reflects.