May 6, 2003

mama, life has just begun

Fun things to do in Christian’s mother’s new kitchen in Two Harbors:

Take two large bottles of liquid laundry detergent, swing them up to your ears and listen.

Burn your hands with the Steamin’ Hot In-Sink Erator.

Play with the garbage race track.

Play with the shop class jelly bean machine:

“Ryan, you’re getting jelly beans everywhere! Why don’t you eat the ones you’ve already got?
“I don’t wanna eat them, I just wanna operate the machine.”

Play with Brandon’s electric toothbrush. It looks like a Cyclops, whose eye spins around clockwise as his jaw jumps up and down going AIEAIEAIEAIEAIEAIE.

“I can think of three other uses for this toothbrush. I will mention none of them.”

Solve bouldering problems in the food pantry.

Eat the Cheddarwurst Three.

Climb up in the chimney.

Make friends with the arsonist in the back yard.

Play in the liquor cabinet:

“My parents mark the levels.”
“That’s when you fill them back up with water.”
“That’s when I fill them back up with urine.”

Send Ryan outside on the dog cable.

Explore the single abandoned ore dock.

Operate the remote control cactus.