Adventure: Darkness

Okay, so it wasn’t all that bad. I spent a total of six minutes in the store, found exactly what I needed and bolted on outta there, almost backing over a guy and his shopping cart on my way out. In the store, tinny music played from confused speakers as I browsed soap. The vast number of soap flavors has exploded in the last couple years: Fresh Coconut. Sun-Ripened Raspberry. Toasted Vanilla and Sugar.

Sugar. Riiiiiight. The first thing I want to rub all over my body in the morning is sugar. Whatever happened to natural soap smells like hibiscus? Or lye? Or Fragrance RT-41? These new scents may smell nice (or may attract swarms of wasps) but in the end they all taste like soap. You know what, all you soapsmiths out there? You’re not fooling me, okay? You’re not fooling me! SOAP ISN’T FOOD! I REFUSE TO EAT IT! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!

The weirdest thing I saw at Wal-Mart? An impulse purchase summer sausage display at the front of the store. Two feet of meat carnage, only $4.98!