November 8, 2003

Extensive and Complex Operations

Sun Ra: DAVE.

Dave: DANE.

Sun Ra: What’s new?

Dave: Pardon, I’m trying to coordinate an extensive and complex breakfast operation right now.

Sun Ra: Oh my.

Sun Ra: Does it involve little packets of sugar?

Sun Ra: That’s what I’m gonna give out next Halloween.

Sun Ra: Little packets of sugar.

Sun Ra: No, wait.

Sun Ra: Scratch that.

Sun Ra: To save money I’ll just get a ten pound bag of sugar and dump spoonfuls into their trick-or-treat bags.

Sun Ra: And then chase them off my property with the hose.

Sun Ra: And with the killer bees.

Dave: That’s the spirit that made America great.

Sun Ra: That it is.

Dave: Here’s a question for you: if you leave butter sitting in the fridge for long enough, does it just naturally become cheese?

Sun Ra: No.

Dave: I didn’t think so.

Sun Ra: It needs enzymes or something.

Dave: Hmm.

Dave: I wonder what I just ate.

Sun Ra: Or, like, maybe it needs a chunk of starter cheese, like yogurt.

Sun Ra: To turn milk into yogurt all you gotta do is toss in a spoonful of yogurt.

Dave: Oh, really?

Sun Ra: And then chant backwards Latin or something, but yeah, it’s pretty easy with the dark arts.

Dave: Maybe I’ll try that.

Dave: I eat a lot of yogurt.

Dave: And I drink very little milk.

Sun Ra: You can make it yourself if you have a hotplate.

Dave: Ahh, I have no hotplate.

Sun Ra: Do you have stoving capabilities?

Dave: Sort of.

Dave: Stove, yes.

Dave: Oven, no.

Sun Ra: Check out

Sun Ra: (after I register the domain and profit greatly from selling it, of course)

Dave: Check out

Dave: and tell me what it says.


Sun Ra: I think I see your problem, Dave.

Dave: What’s this then?

Sun Ra: See, the website you’ve been using,, doesn’t really exist.

Dave: Well, I knew that I couldn’t access it.

Dave: I was hoping it was just blocking Japanese IPs for some reason.

Sun Ra: I tried to run a WHOIS on it, but that’s limited to domain names of less than 64 characters.

Dave: I sense a Cunning Plan in action here.

Dave: Someone is trying to occlude this vital information.

Sun Ra: I’m trying to run a ‘tracert’ on the domain.

Dave: Good luck.


Dave: It must be cloaked.

Dave: As in, surrounded on all six sides by three feet of solid lead.

Dave: And all the wires leading to and from it soldered off.

Dave: And buried underneath Tokyo Tower.

Sun Ra: I’ll try to ping it.


Sun Ra: I think you’re right.

Dave: I think it’s time to hack the planet.

Dave: I mean, go urban spelunking under Tokyo Tower.

Dave: I mean, watch more anime.

Dave: Yeah, that’s it.

Sun Ra: Right onski.

Read that all back to yourself and then picture all the kids you would have given pure glucose to. See an odd correlation?