Sun Ra: DAVE.
Sun Ra: What’s new?
Dave: Pardon, I’m trying to coordinate an extensive and complex breakfast operation right now.
Sun Ra: Oh my.
Sun Ra: Does it involve little packets of sugar?
Sun Ra: That’s what I’m gonna give out next Halloween.
Sun Ra: Little packets of sugar.
Sun Ra: No, wait.
Sun Ra: Scratch that.
Sun Ra: To save money I’ll just get a ten pound bag of sugar and dump spoonfuls into their trick-or-treat bags.
Sun Ra: And then chase them off my property with the hose.
Sun Ra: And with the killer bees.
Dave: That’s the spirit that made America great.
Sun Ra: That it is.
Dave: Here’s a question for you: if you leave butter sitting in the fridge for long enough, does it just naturally become cheese?
Sun Ra: No.
Dave: I didn’t think so.
Sun Ra: It needs enzymes or something.
Dave: I wonder what I just ate.
Sun Ra: Or, like, maybe it needs a chunk of starter cheese, like yogurt.
Sun Ra: To turn milk into yogurt all you gotta do is toss in a spoonful of yogurt.
Dave: Oh, really?
Sun Ra: And then chant backwards Latin or something, but yeah, it’s pretty easy with the dark arts.
Dave: Maybe I’ll try that.
Dave: I eat a lot of yogurt.
Dave: And I drink very little milk.
Sun Ra: You can make it yourself if you have a hotplate.
Dave: Ahh, I have no hotplate.
Sun Ra: Do you have stoving capabilities?
Dave: Sort of.
Dave: Stove, yes.
Dave: Oven, no.
Sun Ra: Check out www.howtomakeyogurtonthecheap.com.
Sun Ra: (after I register the domain and profit greatly from selling it, of course)
Dave: and tell me what it says.
Sun Ra: COULD NOT FIND REMOTE SERVER
Sun Ra: I think I see your problem, Dave.
Dave: What’s this then?
Sun Ra: See, the website you’ve been using, www.howtofindahotgirlfriendinjapanwhodoesntmindthatyouwatchanimeallthetime.com, doesn’t really exist.
Dave: Well, I knew that I couldn’t access it.
Dave: I was hoping it was just blocking Japanese IPs for some reason.
Sun Ra: I tried to run a WHOIS on it, but that’s limited to domain names of less than 64 characters.
Dave: I sense a Cunning Plan in action here.
Dave: Someone is trying to occlude this vital information.
Sun Ra: I’m trying to run a ‘tracert’ on the domain.
Dave: Good luck.
Sun Ra: UNABLE TO RESOLVE TARGET SYSTEM NAME www.howtofindahotgirlfriendinjapanwhodoesntmindthatyouwatchanimeallthetime.com
Dave: It must be cloaked.
Dave: As in, surrounded on all six sides by three feet of solid lead.
Dave: And all the wires leading to and from it soldered off.
Dave: And buried underneath Tokyo Tower.
Sun Ra: I’ll try to ping it.
Sun Ra: PING REQUEST COULD NOT FIND HOST www.howtofindahotgirlfriendinjapanwhodoesntmindthatyouwatchanimeallthetime.com
Sun Ra: I think you’re right.
Dave: I think it’s time to hack the planet.
Dave: I mean, go urban spelunking under Tokyo Tower.
Dave: I mean, watch more anime.
Dave: Yeah, that’s it.
Sun Ra: Right onski.