November 25, 2003

Welcome to Bend

“And how would I go about starting a cult?”

“You could say you’re a prophet.”

“Hmm… I can grow a mullet.”

“Mullets definitely attract the word of God.”

—Holy Seplicre, Jerusalem—
Guide: Now if you will please move this way. In this room is some of the holiest items of the Christian Faith.
Tourist: What is this?
Guide: That is the Sacred Mullet of the Pope Coulier II who, when the world did not end on December 31st of 1000 A.D. was draged into the streets and torn limb from limb. His Mullet survived and was an official advisor to popes til it was stollen and worn by Hilter in 1942.
Tourist: Your kidding right??
Guide: Yep really it is just a bunch of lint pulled from Pope Innocent III’s belly button when he died.