January 9, 2004

We are Peter Gibbons

And such was the first week at my new job. The State of Business required that I hit the ground running, and before Friday evening rolled around I had launched two client sites and prepped another. This was in addition to performing other essential Tasks for a New Office Job, such as getting trained in on our software, eating so much licorice I felt nauseous, figuring out how to run our electronic task list, producing beautiful art on dry erase boards, learning an intricate phone system, hanging up on customers, taking long lunches to get spicy Korean chicken, rapidly churning out HTML tables by hand, and getting drunk on the company dollar at the Deschutes Brewery with all my fellow co-workers.

Let me tell ya, there’s nothing like tossing down pints of scotch ale with customer support, sales, the vice-prez and the CEO of your company, and then stumbling down the icy sidewalks of downtown Bend to your comfy bed in Lava House. Nothing like it except, of course, all those other things in life that are just like it. Like having Swingline staplers exclusively at the office, hearing things like “Hmm, yeah, did you get the memo?” and “Sounds like someone’s got a case of the Mondays!” and “PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?” from everyone in the company, and having Friday be Hawaiian Shirt Day, so uhh, yeah, wear your Hawaiian shirt.

Hmm… Yeah…

Rest assured, dear Hobo, there are no walls around my desk.
And we’re seeing about replacing the flourescent lights with incandescent track lighting.

I can’t stand those small cages they call cubicals, with animals desguised as “fellow workers” peering around the corner and asking if you can help them with something thats wrong with their computers, even though they know that it is not your job.
Ah, how I love freelance writing!