November 16, 2004

smoke detector

I think I’m going to try something new for a bit. Every evening (and by every evening I mean every once in awhile) I’m going to scan my referral logs for search strings, and write an entry about whatever crazy words brought a person to this website. Because I mean really, a lot of them are rather hilarious, and there’s no sense in keeping them all to myself.

You have five seconds to guess tonight’s topic.

I don’t have a lot of luck with smoke detectors. When I lived in Duluth, we called our smoke detector our “smoke and laziness detector” as it would go off whenever we burned something, or whenever it felt like too many of us were spending too much time in the apartment. I also recall having another smoke detector that would beep at peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

One day my roommate Ryan burned an entire pound of bacon. Not only did it set off the smoke alarm, it jammed the smoke alarm and blew the circuit breaker. If that wasn’t fun enough, it just so happened that we lived in a two story apartment, and my squalid bedroom was located directly above the stove. Needless to say, my room tasted like burned bacon for a week. I couldn’t sleep at night because I would wake up choking on grease vapor. It was one of the most horrible things to happen in that apartment.

…well… a lot of horrible things happened in that apartment. One day I got too excited and started acting like a penguin. One thing led to another and I put my head through the wall. Ultimately we made up a lame excuse so we didn’t have to pay to get it fixed, but in retrospect I think we should have just told the RAs the truth, that a resident thought he was a penguin and put his head through the wall. I mean really. What else is going to put a hole in the wall?

Another time I melted a tea kettle to the stove and it wouldn’t come off. How do you melt a tea kettle, you may ask? You put some water on to boil and you forget about it for three hours. Of course, water doesn’t burn per se, so the smoke alarm doesn’t go off and you will never know how horrible a cook you really are until it’s too late. When you come back downstairs to run to class, your tea kettle will be bright red and fused to the stove.

So, out of curiosity:
When Ryan burned the bacon, was the smoke and laziness detector detecting the smoke of the bacon or the laziness of Ryan?

I’ve quit looking at my server logs, because the crap that came through there was starting to scare the crap out of me. All I was getting were freak looking for Michael Jackson, porn, and other scary stuff. I’m afraid to go look what’s in there, as I’ll undoubtedly lose sleep.

Heh. It takes a lot to really freak me out, but sometimes it does take an iron stomach to browse through those things. Whoo-whee!