November 22, 2004

no pictures of a clown

It appears that there was resounding disappointment when yesterday’s entry, entitled Pictures of a Clown, came to an end with nary a picture of a clown. No clowns. Not a single one. There was a story about clowns, a story about previous stories that included pictures of clowns, but never did the conversation build to a point where there was an actual picture of a clown.

Nay, I would go so far as to venture that yesterday’s work was anti-clown, or devoid of clown, or consisting of actual negative clown-adge, such that any future discussion about clowns would require that we pay down an existing clown debt before it would have any legitimacy whatsoever.

And this troubles me so. First and formost, we here at Brainside Out rage against illegitimacy, whether it be in the form of intellectual dishonesty or flunked international tests or children of loose morals. We want to be viewed as a legitimate, viable source for facts about the world writ large. Yesterday we made a huge mistake. Yesterday we sacrificed all our credibility to pull a senseless parlor trick. Yesterday was two o’clock in the morning, and we weren’t thinking straight, and one thing led to another…

Well, we want to make it up to you. This time around, we will give you a picture of a clown, and it will be an excellent picture of a clown. Maybe not the best picture of a clown, but definitely one that is noteworthy.

Without further ado, a picture of a clown:

DJ the Clown

Well now, that’s pretty good. He’s got a muppet and everything, and he’s wearing a shirt from my CEO’s closet. However, I fear that one picture of a clown isn’t going to cut it, anymore. I’ve squandered your trust and I need to earn it back, and one picture of a clown won’t do the job. We need, perchance, a second picture of a clown:


If you can remember one thing and one thing only, remember this: sorbet. Sorbet will carry you through your darkest days, and we know this to be true because the clown says so. But then, if one picture of a clown is good, and if a second picture of a clown is better, what would that make a picture of two clowns?

Clowns, like, in Quebec or something

This picture is great on so many levels. We have a clown in a funny vest, a clown wearing some funny shoes, and an old lady wearing some funny sunglasses. And look at the colorful flags! What won’t those crazy Quebecois do?

Are you feeling better? Allow us to kick it up a notch, with a whole slew of clowns posing with the space shuttle!

Clowns in front of... uhh... the space shuttle...

Best. Photoshop. Ever. They even made the clown on the far right look like Chris Fahey.

Then again, clowns aren’t all fun and games and spacecraft. Sometimes they’re sad and downright serious, like subtitled foreign films:

Who asked you? WHO ASKED YOU?!

And some clowns pick fights with drunks brandishing bottles:

clown flipping off guy with bottle

But for the most part, clowns are happy and funny and make us feel really good. Many times, it is the children who can best communicate the warmth and joy that clowns bring to us:

Clownz R Funn!

Then again, most of what children produce is utter crap:

Clown Scribble

Well, then. I can only hope that our brief tour through the world of clowns has helped warm your heart to the tortured few at Brainside Out. We work ever so hard to publish quality content at awkward hours, and we strive to be your first and foremost resource for late-breaking stuff and stuff.

And here is a picture of a man with a lobster on his head:

Man with Lobster on Head

maybe there were clowns on the radio waves yesterday…i felt an unhealthy urge to tell the ‘clown’ joke of wooch! lore. grand ol’ fun followed by growns and evil looks.

OK, for some reason I skipped right over Jesse’s comment. I tend to ignore him anyway 😉
Ignore my previous comment. I will say 15 hail mary’s and 12 hail danes for my sin.

Hobo: Dude! I told the clown joke to Jody when we were on our river trip last month. I dragged it out for, like, half an hour. Great stuff.
Jake: Your ratio of “hail marys” to “hail danes” is backwards, but we’ll let it slide this time. From henceforth, all sins must be washed away with numerous pints of alcohol at Ye Olde Sainte Francis Skoole.

Clowns suck. Rabbits suck. Today, I am angrier than I was yesterday and I don’t care. Bustoff futang-futang ol’ biscuit barrel.
Word to your Mary.
And the clown joke did get drug out for half an hour. It wasn’t even that funny. I don’t remember it. It doesn’t matter because it was the process that was fun. But then again, I like bathing in rubbing alcohol after a good paper-cut fight.