Fair is fair. A couple days of being sick would be a complete waste if it wasn’t for the fever dreams.
Last night I was riding in the last car of a full train in the Minneapolis light rail system. A group of guys were in a cluster near the back window, and it was obvious they were up to something. One of them pulled a small metal disc from his pocket, pressed a button, and stuck it to the window. The guys nodded at each other, and as soon as the train slowed down to round a corner, they opened the door and jumped out of the train.
I didn’t want to be around when the thing blew up, so I followed suit and quickly dove out of the train. It was too late, and after a series of shrill beeps the device went off and filled the train and tunnel with a white poisonous fog. The effects of this fog were horrible, far worse than anthrax or VX or any chemical or biological agent doctored by man.
How horrible? Truly horrible! As I looked around, anyone who came into contact with the fog was covered in…
…wait for it…
…a cheap Halloween costume!
And not even a whole Halloween costume, but only the cheap makeup that you can buy in a kit at Wal-Mart. So there I was running around the light rail tunnel, in the midst of pandemonium, surrounded by a poison fog and people who were made up to look like skeletons, vampires and zombies!
Everyone evacuated the train and we started to run up the stairs of the nearest station, yelling and coughing into the fog. The CDC had quarantined the area, and had turned the bathrooms into an infirmary for treating the victims of this senseless act of terrorism.
I approached a doctor for my condition, and he told me the only way to cure my affliction.
The only way that I could be completely cured from the affects of the fog was to…
…wait for it…
…finish the costume!
He handed me a witch’s hat (me having been turned into a witch and all), which I filled with a clear goo and put over my head. The goo ran down all over my face, taking with it all the cheap Halloween makeup.
Meanwhile, in other episodes of insanity, I drove my Subaru off huge dirt jumps, had more nightmares about coding, and wandered around a college campus built amongst tall grassy mountains and criss-crossed by endless chainlink fences.