March 18, 2006

The Guest

The SXSW Cockroach

As suggested previously, we had an unscheduled guest in our hotel room for our last night in Austin. It was 3:00am and he was hangin’ out on the counter in our bathroom. Jake and I had just returned from the hugely epic SXSWi after-party (thrown down by Media Temple with an open bar and all that jazz) and we were thoroughly out of our minds, so needless to say chaos ensued.

We taped it for you, which is a weird thing to say because at no point was actual tape involved. Rather, we recorded it in a manner that rapidly captures still frames and stiches them together to create the illusion of movement. To this there is also sound, which may be unfortunate for those of you who are sensitive to words whose dictionary meanings are ill-defined at best.

With that, we must stress that this video is rated R, for strong language and overbearing stupidity.

The SXSW Cockroach (1.4MB, low resolution)

The SXSW Cockroach (6.0MB, high resolution)

P.S. It is worth mentioning that our hotel was extremely kind in respect to our cockroach extravaganza, and as a result knocked a whole night off our final bill. That little bugger saved us $100. I would stay at this hotel again in a heartbeat, and can only hope that we will have such great fortune next year.

So… the next time I’m in Duluth or mINNIe_mINNIe and I get frost on the window, I should ask for one night free? Dude you were in the tropics (sort of) They be bugs there. Where it’s nice and warm bugs thrive and if not, then they sprayed your room so full of insecticide you probably shouldn’t be sleeping in there, well and breathing, especially not heavily, breathing, not sleeping. Cock roaches are friendly little guys, you just brush them off the ironing board when you’re ironing your aloha shirts for the morning. Like I said before you need to get out of the those cold hinterlands more often. You seem to be having the time of your life. That’s grand. Maybe you ought to start thinking about settling down and getting married, buy a house, have a couple of mini pirates. Ruin it all.
are you coming to the Gorge this summer?

I just want to make sure I have this right. This was a cockroach, right? Not a scorpion? A giant wasp? A Vermicious Knid? The dangerous jub-jub bird? A mimsy worhl or an unsuspecting jabberwock sans a vorpal blade?
I was just wondering, because all three of you girls ran around like it was going to twist your testes into pretzels, but then again, maybe it’s presence already did.
Ode to The Girls
Bravely bold Sir Robin
Rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die,
Oh brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid
To be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin.
He was not in the least bit scared
To be mashed into a pulp.
Or to have his eyes gouged out,
And his elbows broken.
To have his kneecaps split
And his body burned away,
And his limbs all hacked and mangled
Brave Sir Robin.
His head smashed in
And his heart cut out
And his liver removed
And his bowls unplugged
And his nostrils raped
And his bottom burnt off
And his pen–
“That’s… that’s enough music for now lads, *** there’s dirty work afoot*** ???.”
Brave Sir Robin ran away.
Bravely ran away away.
(“I didn’t!”)
When danger reared it’s ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
(“I never!”)
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
(“You’re lying!”)
****Bravely**** taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat.
Bravest of the braaaave, Sir Robin!

Uhh, yeah. It was a cockroach. A mere cockroach. Quite possibly the only living thing on this planet that is entirely incapable of harming a human.
Understand, however, that I am from Minnesota. I am used to living in an environment where everything freezes to death every eight months. Thus, our vermin are never allowed to grow to such epic proportions as allowed in more temperate areas such as Texas.
Now, I have played with my fair share of cockroaches, especially during my days of urban spelunking. I crawled through tunnels where hundreds, literally hundreds of cockroaches clung to the ceiling, inches from my face.
However, these Minnesota cockroaches were tiny compared to our Texas-bred variety. Seriously, this feller in our bathroom, I didn’t know whether to catch him or ride him.