Passive Aggressive

Okay, this has been a long time in coming. Martinis have been flung about and punches thrown. Squid enchiladas have been eaten and Donkey Kong dominated. Blues riffs have been written and the World Air Guitar Championships hosted. Pipes have exploded and neighborhoods flooded.

Nicaraguans have sent us on unwarranted trips to the dump. Sofa cushions have flown out of the trailer and into oncoming traffic. A television has been kicked off a cliff composed entirely of trash. Bowling has been played. Skee ball tickets have been won and chickens purchased. Mattresses have threatened to peel off the roof of the car. Wagons have been overburdened. Headlights have been flashed. Minds have been lost and regained. Meltdowns have been for the most part avoided.

Despite the world’s efforts to the contrary, I have now moved back to Hood River. My house is large and beautiful and my room is snug and cozy, so I keep telling myself that I’m living in a museum in Europe and that works pretty well. I was unable to carry my old mattress with me up from Bend, so I got to invest in a smaller mattress that frees up a substantial amount of space in my room. As a result of this additional space I am able to sit in front of my computer rather than fish it out of my molars. And this, this is good.

What’s more, my room has a mysterious Door to Nowhere that doesn’t seem to go anywhere. It might go to the roof, but that doesn’t make sense. Why make a door to the roof? I’ll bet it’s a portal to some other dimension like all those black holes and tourist traps. My landlady asked me if she should get a locksmith to work on the door, and I shuddered at the thought. I prefer to do most of my trans-dimensional traveling on foot, and I don’t need some stinkin’ mystery door to go cutting corners for me.

Tomorrow is a big day. I’ve got a pile of boxes five feet high in here, and a few more piles scattered throughout the house, and it’s gonna take a lot of energy to ignore all these boxes and avoid being productive. Luckily, I have a case of Full Sail and the newest album from My Morning Jacket, so my inactivity will be hazy and rewarding.