October 22, 2001

trans-dimensional can opener

Doug made a few enemies on the Porkies trip. He cunningly destaked some girls’ tent, but it was the freestanding kind so that didn’t do anything. Not to be deterred he later depoled their tent, which was much more mischievous. The quote “Doug is the devil!” was coined at that time. This morning we opened our apartment door, and it was covered in hardcore pornography.


Not just porn, skat porn. With “Doug is the devil!” written on it. Lazy, we left it up, and when the maintenance guys came by to recore the doorlock (please note lost keys entry) they had to move the porn out of the way. It’s gone now.

I went grocery shopping at Mount Royal instead of Cub Foods today, and I don’t think I’m gonna go back to Cub for a long time. The place makes me feel paranoid, jumpy and irritable… I feel as though the great savings are going to sneak up behind me, break my neck and silently drag me into a back room where I’ll be ground into all sorts of meaty things and put on sale the next day. Not so at Mount Royal. All sorts of comforting old people milling about, low ceiling, narrow aisles, grocery baggers, small shopping carts that track poorly and run into shelves… I love it.

Everyone is in an absolute daze right now. It’s like those head gnomes went around Duluth with little hammers last night and gave everyone concussions. The Wooch! lounge was oozing a confusing stupor. We’re all stressed out about various things, but Mark says we should all be back to normal next week… after we’ve failed our midterms.

Personally, I feel like I’ve lost some footing in reality. Things are happening around me, but it all feels distant. What do I need to do? I have no idea. We’re in the usual Monday doldrums, but it feels different today… as though everyone is going through the usual social and academic motions, but that’s it. Motions. There’s no governing thought, no meaning. Write when brain says write, speak when spoken to, but hold reality at arms length. Hopefully Mark is right, and we’ll all draw our hands back in soon enough. Currently mine are still working the can opener in some zany alternate dimension.