January 28, 2002

let’s talk about my shoes

I got some nice boots last year. A store had great deals on Doc Martens, and since everyone raves about how they last for centuries and massage your feet as you walk, I picked up a pair.

And they are the most uncomfortable shoes my feet hast ever laid eyes on. As I compared my inferior Docs to other people’s Docs in terribly awkward social situations, I noticed that I got gyped out of quality craftsmanship. The rubber is cheap, the insoles have shredded apart and I whimper in pain at every step. It seems I unwittingly purchased Super-Saver-Valu-Price Doc Martens: Like walking on broken glass!

I would opt for my Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars, but unfortunately they are a death sentence when confronted with ice. Chucks are outfitted with Teflon-coated soles and EZ-Sprain ankle support technology. Wonderful in the summer, but besides getting smacked in the noggin with a tree they are by far the fastest way to the emergency room.

Summer will allow my preferred mode of transportation to come out of hibernation. My Birkenstocks are absolutely wonderful. A molded leather sandal can support both a foot and a complex eco-system quite nicely. They are so biologically productive you can actually smell the microbes. Sometimes you can talk to them.

I do have one more pair of shoes, but they spend too much time in the sewer to be appropriate for public use.