December 2, 2002

half full/empty/baked

Lately I’ve been getting headaches from sitting in front of the computer six hours a day, five days a week. If I ever want to make it in the working world (which I’m not sure I do, and I’m currently entertaining dreams of being a windsurfing/snowboarding/rock climbing bum post-graduation) I need to remedy this maladie. After performing an amateurish eye exam at a Culver’s in Madison, we decided that I probably have a stigmatism. It sounds painful, what with Christ and nails and blood and everything, but really it’s just achy and annoying.

Well, really achy, really, and I need to do something about it. Since it ain’t something simple like far-sightedness or near-sightedness or eye-loss I need to get prescription glasses. And that’s where you can be helpful, dear reader. Is there any sort of eye place up here in the Twin Ports area that people absolutely adore? I have heard awful things about Pearle Vision, which has an establishment at Miller Hill, but besides that this is a completely foreign realm to me. Short of poking my eyes out with sticks and stumbling around with a cane, what other options does the Duluth/Superior area offer?

Yes, I’m fully aware this is a blatent shirking of responsibility on my part, but I’m a busy, busy man that needs to stay glued to this headache machine.

mission: impossible:
find an open and operating ethernet port on the campus of the university of mn-duluth at 3 a.m.
4 a.m., port found and usable, mild breaking and entering necessary on search. stupid locked doors…
try vision world at the miller hell mall. they’re a bit spendy, but they’ve been nice to me in the past and they’ve got some random deal on all of their frames right now – buy any for half price or something like that… you’d have to call to inquire. i’m wandering up that way on friday morning. i’ll let you know what i find out.

I will be happy to repair and maintain your eyes for the low, low price of $50. This includes bandaging and blood disposal. A 3-year, 36,000 mile warranty is also available for only $19.95. Warranty void if you look at too much hard-core pornography. It’ll burn through your retinas faster than a Jane Fonda exercise video.

Make it Fabio and you’ve got yourself a deal. Actually, if I got some starter fluid, a cardboard box and an exacto knife I could do it all myself. I could also spay and neuter cats like Bob Barker tells me to every morning behind all those scrolling words. Does the Hobo know what Vision World charges for blood disposal? I may have to contract out.

Why am I getting this Terminator vibe… you know the scene where he cuts his eye out? Yummy! Tastes like chicken.