This school is falling apart. All of my classes are systematically being cancelled this week, which is any college student’s dream but is driving me absolutely crazy. You see, I need to keep moving. I need to always be doing something. I’m on a mission from god or something with sunglasses and a suitcase full of cigarettes. I take a cancelled class as a personal affront, as though the world is telling me I’m not cutting the mustard and need a day to regroup. Yo, world? Hello? I will decide when I need a fargin’ break, alright? ALRIGHT?
What’s more, they’re changing over to full-year registration next year. Yessiree, it’s a good thing I’m graduating, because the guy who can’t figure out on Friday what he’s doing for the weekend would never be able to figure out what classes he needs to take A FULL YEAR IN ADVANCE. I mean, seriously. Do they think I could actually plan these things? I changed my major halfway through my sophomore year, which under a full-year system could have resulted in my academic life screwing the pooch until the following spring. Like, are you not thinking? Perhaps they have thought this through, and there are valid arguments for full-year registration, but since my involvement is low and my time is limited, I will most likely revel in my ignorance.
Oh yeah. And there’s the question of a ten quadrillion dollar cut in state funding next year for the University system. I got an email from the school this morning asking that I shut my computer off at night to conserve energy. Tuition got jacked 13.5 percent this year, and that was just to keep up with operating costs, not state cuts. Lord knows what they’re going to do for next year. It reminds me of a comic my friend drew while working at the DRC two summers ago. The state had withdrawn all funding for the national parks and had handed Yellowstone over to the Japanese. The cost of admission was one limb. A guy with a rusty hacksaw waited for at the park entrance.
For all of you that will still be stranded on this sinking ship in the coming years, I extend my heartfelt sorrow. Please watch your limbs, and remember: Just because your leg has been removed from your body doesn’t mean it can’t still kick some ass.