For optimal results, roll around in the grass until your back itches.

Here are the remaining albums, as promised. The highly technical reviewing tool utilizes the latest advances in symbolic communication to convey information. It works like this. We have these small things, let’s call them letters, and we combine them to form larger things. These larger things (say, words in this instance), are combined to form objects called sentences, which efficiently convey meaning through the spatial relationships created with the aformentioned words and letters.

Now, these sentences can be combined to form paragraphs, but in this experiment such techniques have been discouraged in an attempt to conserve bandwidth. That is, until I have my brain-mouth FireWire connection upgraded to the 802.11g wireless protocol.

Anyways. Here are some albums. Most of them are great. How great? In the absence of any other useful information, the use of exclamation points and capital letters can serve as great indicators.

The Arcade Fire – Funeral

RIPSHITKICKASS!

Slow Gherkin – Double Happiness

M’eh. Nostalgia, more than anything else. I first saw these guys play at First Avenue’s Ska Fest in ’96.

Modest Mouse – Good News For People Who Love Bad News

RIPSHITKICKASS! Music that’s totally obsessive compulsive. One of the best albums of 2004?

matt pond PA – Emblems

Good. Not what I expected, but good. Quite a different sound than Nature of Maps.

Red Hot Chili Peppers – By The Way

Whoa! This disc is officially the soundtrack of summer 2004. Every song on it is great.

Wilco – A Ghost is Born

RIPSHITKICKASS! So incredibly diverse, it’s dizzying. The other best album of 2004?

John Scofield – Grace Under Pressure

Blegch.

John Scofield – Time on My Hands

Phhhhhght.

Built to Spill – The White Sessions

Some cuts from a radio show they did. Not bad.

Various Artists – One Bag, Two Lumps, Three Cozies

Honestly? I haven’t even listened to this. I needed it to round out the 3 for $10 bin.

‘N Sync – No Strings Attached

Heh.

String Cheese Incident – On The Road – Atlanta, GA – April 20, 2002

Pretty dang good.

Miles Davis – Birth of the Cool

M’eh. You’d be better of with Bitches Brew or Kind of Blue or something. If you don’t already have ’em.

Dave Brubeck – Time Out

Nice.

John Coltrane – Giant Steps

Better than smack.

Cowboy Curtis – Observations | Assumptions

Whoo! I totally love these guys! Observations | Assumptions is their first full studio album.

Red Hot Chili Peppers – One Hot Minute

Nostalgia, baby. The radio singles are hot. So red hot.

Saves the Day – In Reverie

Uhh… you’d be far better off picking up Stay What You Are, which kicks so much ass it breaks the leg off inside. I’d say that In Reverie is total sell-out material.

matt pond PA – (With Audibles)

Holy crap! This limited edition collection of unreleased charts and demos is awesomer than awesome.

Decibully – City of Festivals

Really good. Decibully is so intensely mellow, I can’t really compare their sound to anything. Pretty original stuff.

Paul Simon – Graceland

Neato. This album is so totally Wuda Wooch! Road Trip material, if you know what I mean.

Barenaked Ladies – Maroon

Yeah, totally! These guys always remind me that I never want to grow up.

Decibully – Three Song Thing

Cool. A promo EP, that mostly overlaps with City of Festivals.

Mates of State – Team Boo

Whoo hoo! I’ve never heard two people make so much noise!

Cherry Poppin’ Daddies – Zoot Suit Riot

Tasty. A replacement for a copy I sold years ago at the Minneapolis Cheapo. I saw ’em live in Hood River and had to pick it up again. I totally dig swing music with punk lyrics. That’s the way all things should be.

Modest Mouse – The Moon and Antarctica

Yeah! This album is angry at the Moon and Antarctica and everything in between. I dig it. My friend says that this is her favorite album by them.

matt pond PA – Measure

Cool! mpPA is a band that changes with every album. Measure is some of their older stuff, and i love it this much.

Save Ferris – It Means Everything

OMG I <3 U! Ska with female singers is so totally awesome!

Sunny Wicked – Live with Orchestra

Heck yeah! These guys commandeered an orchestra and played a live concert. I was in the audience and loved it.

matt pond PA – The Nature of Maps

RIPSHITKICKASS! This is one of my favorite albums by mpPA (the other being The Green Fury). For me, every song epitomizes moving to Oregon.

Sunday’s Best – The Californian

I like it.

Mates of State – Our Constant Concern

Mates of State are so totally cute.

Here’s a funny story. One winter day I was in the lower parking lot at Spirit Mountain in Duluth, sitting on my back bumper, lacing my snowboard boots and listening to a Polyvinyl Records sampler CD I had recently aquired.

The song Uber Legitimate by Mates of State came on, and a cute snowboard chick came up to me and was all like “OMG you’re listening to Mates of State these guys are so totally my favorite band where’d you ever find out about them should we start dating now or should we go snowboarding first?” Me being a master of linguistics and salesmanship when it comes to women, especially when caught off-guard, was all like, “Oh hey I don’t actually know this band all I know is that this is a sampler CD but it is pretty good what band is this again?”

She wasn’t impressed at all and evaporated instantly. I swear, she was gone so fast she must have evaporated, because I don’t think a person can disappear that quickly by any conventional means. My heart was broken. The first thing I did after returning to my apartment that evening was order a copy of Our Constant Concern to make sure that this sort of thing never happened again. And let me assure you, it hasn’t. Ever since buying my first Mates of State album, I haven’t met anyone else who knows Mates of State.

On second thought, that’s not a funny story. That’s a tragic story.