October 9, 2001

the odor has been mischaracterized

A few miscellaneous thoughts:

The Duluth News Tribune has been very entertaining the last few days. One headline read “Time is short, Busch says.” I couldn’t figure out why a liquor company would make such a statement, and why it belonged on the front page. Then I looked again. Whoops, it actually said Bush… I guess being 21 has me subconsciously interpreting news as alcoholic press releases. Weird.

The next headline read “Meth class brings new challenges.” Closer inspection revealed that the class in question was not Meth, but Math. That’s good. God forbid they started teaching elementary students skills that are both useful and extremely lucrative.

Then I spied the papers latest News Corrections, which were outright bizarre even without mental modulation. I quote:

A column in Sunday’s News Tribune inaccurately characterized the cause of odor in a staff car that resulted from walleyes caught by a News Tribune outdoors writer. A bag containing the walleyes had leaked in the car.

It’s comforting to know that the paper will correct itself when an odor has been mischaracterized. I’m just glad the odor wasn’t a missing staff member.

Have you ever tried to brush your teeth and missed? You aim with the toothbrush, bring it to your mouth, and at the last second it alters course and skirts across your cheek, leaving a trail of toothpaste in its wake. Have you?

Yeah, neither have I.

I lost all my keys. Apartment, Tempo, trunk and UMD Practice Rooms are now inaccessible. My keys are probably somewhere between here and Yarn Harbor. I retraced my path four times and found nothing.

I cut my lip on my electric shaver. Then I cut the other one.