October 16, 2003

The NorShor: A Visit to the Attic

I was helping out for the 2003 Geek Prom, and we were pulling all sorts of geek detritus out of the attic of the NorShor. Old computer monitors, chemistry sets, mobiles made out of action figures and hamster balls… The attic isn’t so much an attic as a number of flights of stairs, with each landing stuffed with leftovers from the greatest deeds of the NorShor; junk from Homegrown, Halloween, New Year’s, Christmas, Geek Prom… the entire colorful history spills down these back stairs. But stairs to where? The most confusing part is that the stairs don’t really go anywhere. They just ascend a few floors above the main theatre and stop.

But then again, the stairs don’t “just stop.” While shoveling through geek items I noticed a wrought iron ladder, buried behind some painted styrofoam and a table of dot matrix printers, that ascended into a hole in the ceiling. The space above was dark and beckoning, so when the time was ripe I grabbed a flashlight we had been using earlier in the evening and headed on up to do some exploring.

The space reminded me of a tomb, in that I have never explored a tomb before but I assume that this is what one would be like, pitch black and pitch quiet, with thick coats of dust on the floor, and strange little tracks making their way through the filth. The first room featured a dirty window that let in the failing light of a cool Duluth evening, but beyond that the space was completely dark. And cramped. I opened up two heavy fire doors. The main hallway, built of sad gray concrete, twisted along the side the building. It looked as though the NorShor was built once, and after they thought better they scraped out the guts and rebuilt it from the inside, leaving the shell. This isn’t far from the truth, as I later learned.

I ducked some ancient rusty pipes and low ceilings and emerged in a room filled with a huge rusted generator type something. It was the size of a conversion van and had a five-foot steel wheel on it, likely attached with a belt to something evil in its hey-day. It was probably used to run curtains or something equally inane, but given the atmosphere my mind wove its own narrative. I squeezed by the generator and pressed on.

I found a set of double doors, varnished red with bullet holes in the glass. I pushed them open and found myself in what must have been the most uncomfortable theatre seating arrangement ever. There were a couple rows of thick slabs of concrete and nothing else. What’s more, it was above the ceiling of the second floor theatre and faced the wrong way, likely making it difficult to understand what was happening on stage. Negro seating from the days when the NorShor was turned around 180 degrees?

As I pondered this I realized my flashlight was dying. In my haste to explore I had neglected to check the batteries, or take extra batteries, or take any sort of safety precautions whatsoever. But with the passion for exploration pounding loud in my ears I foolishly pressed on. Down another dark hallway I came upon an old stairwell, lit faint and blue through small windows. The stairs in front of me disappeared, but I could see that ten feet below they resumed down to what must have been the ground floor, five stories below.

Unable to go down without climbing gear or broken legs, I went up and found another long and dark hallway. Nervous about the life of my flashlight I decided I had had enough discovery for the evening and started on my trek back to the attic.

I got about five feet into the darkness before my flashlight crapped out completely. I started to panic. No one knew I was up here. It would be dark soon, zeroing my chance of finding the ladder by its dingy window. I was too far from everything to be heard if I started yelling. What’s more, there were holes in the floor that gave way to the empty space above the main theatre. It was a fifty foot drop to the hard stage.

I was able to make it through the dark to the sinister generator thing and I hated it, now. I thought about curling up under it and waiting til morning, until I thought of all the nasty things that probably lived up here. I worried that someone might come up and close all the fire doors, locking me inside and blocking any light that I might be able to see from that window. My heart was pounding. I found that if I left the flashlight off for a minute or two I could milk five seconds of feeble light out of it. With this technique I tripped my way around the generator. I groped for what I hoped would be my last hallway, and finding the opening I threw myself through it in exhilaration.

And almost knocked myself unconscious by slamming my forehead into a low concrete wall. Dazed in darkness with pricks of light playing in my vision, I stumbled forward with a bit more care.

Finally, after a few unexpected turns and hallways (as distances in darkness and panic always seem longer than in light and calm) I could see faint sunlight filtering in just beyond the fire doors. I made it. Still shaking I climbed down the ladder, taking deliberate steps and clutching the rails so hard my knuckles turned white. After what I had been through, I was making damned sure I wasn’t going to screw it up at this point. I hit the floor with a sigh of relief and descended the stairs back to Geek Prom.

It was half an hour until my head calmed down and my nerves returned to normal. Or whatever could be considered normal for a person setting up something called Geek Prom.



October 14, 2003

Hey, Good Lookin’

On a side note, I just realized that it would be really cool to go out and register www.briansideout.com. That is, if my name was Brian. Or Side. Or Ansid.

I love it when people link to my blog, and it’s only partially because it yanks more fresh folk in my direction. Welcome, new patrons! Come for the nihilism! Stay for the hubris! As creatures of habit we are prone to finding ourselves in ruts. This isn’t always a bad thing. Just down the road I can visit a field where you can still see the ruts left by wagons on the Oregon Trail. ‘course, everyone who was all cool-like jumped for the video game mayhem of navigating your raft down the Columbia River, from The Dalles to Cascade Locks. Only the wussiest fourth grader took the pass through the Cascade Range and opted out of dodging spinning logs, wagon-sized rocks, Charybdis and Scylla. But still, some ruts are good. Sometimes you want to be a wuss. Sometimes you want to keep your family from being eaten alive by a horrible sea creature.

Other ruts ain’t so good because they make you sleep too late, read too much, eat too fast and show up late to work. My favorite part of gettin’ linked is that it introduces me to many blogs I would never have discovered on my own. It also makes me wonder how these people became habitual readers in the first place, such that they would be inspired to link. What they specifically link to has meaning as well. Did they like the philosophy? The humor? The gratuitous pictures of me running around without my shirt on?

Honestly, I can only devote a few minutes a day to weblogs, as there is too much other stuff to be done out in the world. I could be kiteboarding, snowboarding, making cookies, mailing rotten corn to people, engaging in freak art, etc. I have my regular and irregular blogs, and I rarely stray too far from them because while I love blogs, there are just too many lovely things in this universe that aren’t blogs. Lovely things like friends, sunsets, getting lost in dark mysterious ghost neighborhoods that have roads and sidewalks but no street lights or houses, and Space Cadet Pinball.

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Blogs I visit daily are Lileks (humor, Minnesota, politics), Instapundit (politics, nanotechnology, prolific), USS Clueless (politics, logic, science), Zeldman.com (web design, web news, advocacy) and Brainstorms and Raves (web design, CSS).

Blogs I visit semi-daily (or forget to visit unless something actively reminds me) are Tim Blair (Australia, politics, one-liners), Grotto11 (technology, politics) and Red Screen (midwest, amazing photography).

Blogs I feel super-duper guilty about not visiting more often and not devoting nearly enough time to digesting are Eject, Eject, Eject (heart, logic, politics), SomethingAwful (humor), Dave Barry (Dave Barry, duh) and Samizdata (politics on a deep blue background).

Blogs I only occasionally drop into are Ken Layne (journalistic gruffness, rockstar), 101-280 (politics, technology) and Slashdot (computers, super-geeks).

Blogs that everyone raves about but I just can’t get into are Little Green Footballs (politics, pro-Israel), Andrew Sullivan (politics, stuff) and Virginia Postrel (stuff, stuff).

Friends’ sites that I frequent are Zosia Blue (Minnesota, nerds, heart) and Casual Otaku (Japan, anime).

Following a link back from whomever linked to you reveals a whole nest of bloggers whose existence was unknown to you, but to whom your existence is known in part. It’s like peeling away the layers of an onion, which is really fun if you’ve never done it, but gets really confusing when you reach the center because onions don’t layer forever and get confused themselves when figuring out what to do with their absolute insides. Try it.

A few gems from the latest delayering:

Nerdy Girl:

It is interesting to note that simply vigorously shaking a can for 10 seconds produces almost no foam. Therefore, I highly recommend shaking your friends’ soda cans just to piss them off. It won’t foam on them and it’s funny to see the looks on their faces as they shout, “What are you doing?!?” (Disclaimer: results might vary depending on altitude, warmth of soda, and temperament of friends.)

Beef Pile:

Every other day, I drive out to school at Rock Creek in Hillsboro. .. Cow country! Usually Hwy 26 is a slow crap drive, but I was thinking smart. I scheduled my classes to avoid all the traffic. So when I head to school, I have no worries and smooth sailin’ all the way. … Well not today.

I was just out of the Hwy 217 exit and was cruising along at 65mph, when everyone slowed down. .. Wha?! There’s no heavy traffic – so that could mean one thing… CARNAGE! Sweet! Twisted metal! Yah! Let’s all have a good look at people’s lives being suddenly changed and bad days beginning. Awesome!! Cool – this will be worth the wait.

So I creep along – and to my excitement I see what everyone was slowing down for. PINECONES! Frickin’ pinecones on the highway.. I waited 10 minutes in traffic so I wouldn’t hit 10 pinecones at 65mph. Fhew!!! Good thing, cuz those lil’ bastards will tear your sheeit up!

anti:freeze:

When I think about the larch, I think about its needles. I imagine them filling with resin, viscous gold syrup drawn up like honey into a syringe, where it crystallizes, as delicate and hard as Christmas brittle. And when each needle-leaf snaps loose from its branch, I remember how you pushed your needles in, testing to make sure you hit a vein by drawing a little blood into the syringe.

normblog:

The normblog greatest jazz albums:

1. Miles Davis, Kind of Blue – 1959 (20)

2. Louis Armstrong, The Complete Hot 5 and Hot 7 Recordings – 1925-9 (12)

3. John Coltrane, Giant Steps – 1959 (10)

4. Charles Mingus, Mingus Ah Um – 1959 (7)

4. Sonny Rollins, Saxophone Colossus – 1956 (7)

6. Duke Ellington, Ellington at Newport – 1956 (6)

6. Lee Morgan, The Sidewinder – 1963 (6)

8. Cannonball Adderley, Somethin’ Else – 1958 (5)

8. John Coltrane, A Love Supreme – 1964 (5)

8. Eric Dolphy, Out to Lunch – 1964 (5)

8. Duke Ellington, The Blanton-Webster Band – 1940-2 (5)

8. Thelonious Monk, Brilliant Corners – 1956 (5)

8. Oliver Nelson, Blues and the Abstract Truth – 1961 (5)

8. The Quintet*, Jazz at Massey Hall – 1953 (5)

But really, what I’m most curious about is where the rest of you frequent. What do you find is most worth your time, online?


October 13, 2003

Adventure: Darkness

Okay, so it wasn’t all that bad. I spent a total of six minutes in the store, found exactly what I needed and bolted on outta there, almost backing over a guy and his shopping cart on my way out. In the store, tinny music played from confused speakers as I browsed soap. The vast number of soap flavors has exploded in the last couple years: Fresh Coconut. Sun-Ripened Raspberry. Toasted Vanilla and Sugar.

Sugar. Riiiiiight. The first thing I want to rub all over my body in the morning is sugar. Whatever happened to natural soap smells like hibiscus? Or lye? Or Fragrance RT-41? These new scents may smell nice (or may attract swarms of wasps) but in the end they all taste like soap. You know what, all you soapsmiths out there? You’re not fooling me, okay? You’re not fooling me! SOAP ISN’T FOOD! I REFUSE TO EAT IT! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!

The weirdest thing I saw at Wal-Mart? An impulse purchase summer sausage display at the front of the store. Two feet of meat carnage, only $4.98!


Into the Darkness

Oops. I was just about to snuggle into my sleeping bag for the evening and I remembered I still need to make a run to Wall-Wart.

I hate hate hate going there. All the people are ugly and creepy. The sores on their faces weep. Their football jerseys that boast “PLAYAH” are negated by their hairy, pasty legs shoved into striped tube socks worn with plastic shower flip-flops.

I’m gonna wear my leather motorcycle jacket and leer menacingly. Best to leave the glasses at home on this run.


October 12, 2003

Laser Wallet Surgery

Watched extreme ski videos over at H20 Joe’s tonight, and now I’m totally stoked for this winter. If I end up in the mountains when the snow starts flyin’ I’m gonna need to see what it takes to get into backcountry riding.

The Green Dragon Wagon is starting to sputter again, suggesting that my superball/electrical tape vacuum leak fix may be failing. This is not what it will take to get into backcountry riding. $400 could be spent on fixing my car, getting a season pass at Mount Hood Meadows, moving back to Minnesota, flying home for the holidays, getting a wetsuit to extend my kiteboarding season another month, or building a death ray.

Hmm. Of all the possibilities, only the death ray has the potential to pay for all the others. But really, how much death ray could you get for only 400 dollars?

No, really. How much?


October 11, 2003

Burninatin’ the Peasants

Been spending the evening chewing through the Strong Bad Email Archives. There’s 88 of the buggers, now, and I’ve got 60 down. One of these days I will produce content on the Internet rather than merely consume it. Whatever I do will require at least a microphone and MS Paint.

Aren’t they supposed to teach classes for this sort of thing? I’ve been searching Google for “Make Yourself Awesomer with the Internet – Classes” and all I can find is teen angst over tuition prices, an archive of Klingon fan clubs, a fellow waxing and waning over soccer girls and bizzare blog entries:

meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow gimme food meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow pet me meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow i took a crap smell my butt meow meow meow meow meow i sleep all day meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Obviously the Internet is in dire need of someone to teach Making Yourself Awesomer with the Internet 101, and with the fresh knowledge I have acquired this evening I see no better professor than myself. Interested in taking my class? Remember that a professor can only do so much and it is ultimately up to students to chart the course. At least, that’s the way it works when the professor is busy and lazy.

Please let me know what you want addressed in Making Yourself Awesomer with the Internet 101 (MYAWTI101) and I will make every attempt to accommodate. If all goes as planned and ya’ll generate good questions, we should be able to fling together our first lesson plan on Monday.


See Me After Class

Here is the full text of Paul Bremer’s press release, six months to the day after invading Baghdad. Print this out and stick it on your fridge so all your friends know how proud you are of your little country. Write a grade on it in red ink if you feel it necessary. Give it an A, a B, a D-, I don’t really care. All I care is that you read it, scan it at the very least, and absorb something.

I don’t trust the media. The headline article in the Oregonian cited parts of Bremer’s press release, but used the facts only to set up rejoinders to nullify the good that had happened in Iraq. Electrical output currently exceeds pre-war levels but chaos reigns in the streets of Baghdad! Today there are 170 newspapers in Iraq and no Ministry of Information but no WMD’s have been found! This is actually one of the most objective stories I have seen on Iraq, but in my books a moment’s repentance does not cure a lifetime of sin.

I mean, please. Tell me this stuff. Tell me about the chaos. Tell me about the bombings. Tell me about the hospitals that have opened. Tell me about the religious festivals that are no longer banned. Just give me the facts, the bare facts, because right now I don’t feel like you can be trusted with anything else. I’m sick and tired of throwing the newspaper across the room in disgust. I can’t govern myself with the drivel you are feeding me… feeding me for what? For my own good? So I know how horrible the world is? My government is? Humans as a species are? Tell me things I think are good, and tell me things I think are bad, but please don’t preach. With sufficient information I can make up my own mind, thankyouverymuch.

And listen up. Optimism trumps pessimism and reality trumps delusion, every time. You are stinky little journalists, you are not a fourth branch of counter-government. Your job is to objectively document reality, not to construe and misrepresent facts to sway public opinion. Save your ongoing narratives that are inconsistent with reality for your disingenuous books that are making you a millionaire.

Immediate props go to a Balloon Juice, with halo props to Grotto 11.


October 9, 2003

A Graceful Transition to a Ballad

And it isn’t until you make it to your fourth mug of tea for the evening that you realize there’s no script for this thing. You turn your back on the one you were writing; not permanently, but you realize that your brain was getting too wrapped up in itself to push pen any longer.

The river cuts its own flow, that’s what we know. It’s daring moments of limbo such as this that inspiration strikes, but too often we are so busy listening to ourselves that we don’t hear it. The voice is faint, nearly inaudible. It is the sound of summer coming to a close, the melting sunshine crushed by rains that roll into town on wild chariots of boiling sky. We had a good run. A week and a half ago it was nearly 100. Now I step outside to a long-awaited rhythm pattering away on the pavement. It’s cold in the house and I need to wear gloves so we can save on the heating bill. This needs to be done until we can fix the leak in the bathtub faucet so we can save on the water bill, instead.

A week and a half ago I was entirely convinced I was moving back to Duluth, to Minnesota, to the Midwest. Home had an animal magnetism to it, but now I am aimless and don’t know how I am aligned against it. North or south? Should I be attracted or repelled? Such are the emotions that rage in all of us. Hell, even two days ago I was entirely convinced if not Duluth, at least Minnesota. But then. Then something happened, something magical, and though I’m not typically the one to let the star chart from a single evening set my course, I just may. Just this time.

Tuesday night I hung out with A/V geeks, punk rockers and a lovely occupational therapist in a dumpy venue that had exposed ceiling beams adorned with haphazard electrical wiring and a linoleum dance floor duct-taped to the concrete floor. And it was glorious. I found a crowd I had been hungering for since I moved out here. Geeks. Spastic nerd-wads. People who crack D&D jokes that can make an entire group burst out. People who were old enough in the 80’s to remember it, but young enough to remember it without disgust.

I only talked to a few of them; I didn’t need to talk, then. I just needed to soak in the presence. It proved something, something I needed proven before I could commit myself. And after Mates of State stepped off the stage, and after I had a few words with the members of I am the World Trade Center, I stepped out into the damp streets of Portland’s warehouse district, thinking. Thinking, “If Portland can play host to these lovely, eclectic people, perchance it can play host to me.” I decided that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t too good for Portland, and perhaps it was the other way around.

And yet this sea change of mentality masks a larger and more significant one that has been brewing within me for over a year, now. Where in the heck did my interest in emo come from? I have been in the jam band scene since I was fifteen. I love hanging out with chill hippies, not angst-ridden punkers. I love wild complex music I can chew on, with through composed sections in crazy time signatures, not bad lyrics and horrible distortion guitars.

Don’t I?

Honestly, Anton can take all the credit for introducing me to the emo scene. He go me into Death Cab for Cutie, Matt Pond PA, Dashboard Confessional. He introduced me to Kind of Like Spitting and Modest Mouse, both of whom I didn’t care for. But with what tastes he threw me I dove deeper into the depths of emo. Sunday’s Best. Mates of State. Decibully. Saves the Day. Creeper Lagoon. Ultimate Fakebook. All stuff I scraped out of the cracks and absorbed without apology.

Emo fills something in me. It’s the theme song for English majors. It doesn’t care who you are because it isn’t much of anything itself. It’s playing an out-of-tune guitar with a cigarette between your fingers. But then, even this explanation of emo isn’t sufficient, because just as there is raw emo like The Thermals there is refined emo like Matt Pond PA. What does a squelching trio that is busy sweating through stained white t-shirts have in common with a tiny chamber orchestra? Passion. Passion without apology.

I enjoy picking apart the words in emo as much as I enjoy picking apart the music in jam. The two genres are remarkably similar in many ways that aren’t immediately obvious. I love them both, which need not be a contradiction. I have found that Portland is more than dirty hippies and taxes, and I feel that so long as I can find this scene I can live anywhere indefinitely.

The mind has not made itself up, yet. The mind just now realizes that it needs something to keep itself busy, and anything that it finds to serve this purpose will be a delicious means to that end. So as the rains settle in Hood River and the sun sinks earlier and earlier off in the Pacific, we are still discovering new ways to keep ourselves busy around here. And whether that will continue here or there has yet to be determined.

There’s still plenty of tea left for this evening.


October 8, 2003

The Blood We’re Made Of

Last night we hit up Mates of State, I am the World Trade Center and The Thermals at The Meow Meow in downtown Portland.

Ever since I picked up their latest disc Team Boo (listen, buy), Mates of State has shoved their way into my top three favorite bands. I say top three with decided ambiguity, as my long-term memory is prone to forgetting important things like favorite bands in favor of its latest addiction.

I absolutely adore Mates of State. I love how their abstract lyrics weave around each other in a slow embrace. I love how all their songs are an eclectic mix of themes, rhythm and time. I love how two people behind drum and organ can generate such a thick presence and feel so delicate. Their music embraces everything I love about life, from the passion to the humor to the ironies to the darkness, and the entire evening I jammed alongside my fellow geeks with a wide crazed smile on my face.

The place was packed with A/V geeks, punk rockers and every convenient label in between. After spending the entire summer surrounded bronze meatheads (the coolest, sweetest meetheads you’ll ever meat, but meatheads nonetheless) these people were a welcome breath of fresh air. It was nothing but city air tinged with the smell of late night video game marathons, cold metal jabbed through flesh and general lankiness, but it was the most delicious environment. I was conscious of my breath and inhaled deeply to hold it, just so I could keep the atmosphere inside a little bit longer and let it circulate under my skin. It didn’t taste of anything strong or particular but it had a presence I could feel thickening my soul.